would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
