all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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