my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
