all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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