Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
