I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
