just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize