Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize