the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize