I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
