Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
