I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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