i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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