So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
