so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
