The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
