whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
