Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
