My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
