yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
