My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
