Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
