Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
