I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
