I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
