i just made my gag reflex go away.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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