i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
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Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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