is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
