listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
