I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
