Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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