Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
