i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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