your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
