I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
