i think my tv is drunk
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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