Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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