She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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