I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
