he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
