Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize