There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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