I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
