Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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