I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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