She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
