i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
