just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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