By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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