my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
