And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
only if we run a train.
done.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
