you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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