I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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