one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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