Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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