Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
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I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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