im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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