Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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