see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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