this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
