ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize