someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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