'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
