My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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