I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
