dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
