he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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