he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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