the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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