i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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